Empire State

Apparently The Rock likes "based on a true story" heist movies. Unfortunately, this one ain't Pain & Gain. Empire State tells the tale of the robbery of the most-comically-unsecured armored car depot of all-time, a heist that netted somewhere between $8m and eleventy billion dollars. I give that range because the number frequently morphs in the movie and we're presented with math that makes no sense (like $8m being "half" of $11m). Liam Hemsworth stars as the security guard who assisted in the robbery. The story told is a convoluted mess of a movie and is just a disaster. Hardly anything makes sense, scenes are disjointed and thrown together and simply doesn't work. It seems to want to be a "funny caper" movie like Pain & Gain but doesn't succeed. Bottom line: this movie stinks. 2/10.

Pain & Gain

Marky Mark is Daniel Lugo, a bodybuilder personal trainer dude who hatches a plot to kidnap one of his rich clients and force him to give him all of his possessions. The Rock and Anthony Mackie are his bodybuilder compatriots. This is a black humor movie that's funny and beautifully shot and that's the problem. See, this is a true story and it adheres to the facts fairly tightly but changes them just enough to turn real life psycopathic killers into goofballs who didn't intend to hurt, let alone kill, anybody. And that's what makes it messed up. The movie is enjoyable and entertaining and then you're reminded it's a true story and that these guys really did torture some poor guy for a month and that they really did use a chainsaw to dismember two others and that's just messed up. So you end up entertained and feeling conflicted about it. 7/10.